Time passes

We're about six weeks into the absence of Ester.
I'd like to say we're used to it, and in a small way we are, but truthfully, we miss her.
We miss her dearly.

On these long cold nights with a fire going and us hanging out on the couch, there's no Ester to snuggle.

When the fire is raging and warming up the room, there's no Ester to rest in front of it and soak up it's heat.

When the cats are lounging around like they own the place (and they do), there's no Ester to torture them and take them down a notch.

When the snow just wouldn't stop coming, and coming, and coming- there was no bouncy, happy Ester to jump right into it with the kids.

When this mom, who spends the majority of her days alone talking to herself, there's no Ester to listen or offer up love.

How does one adjust to this missing piece?  Is it possible we will never adjust completely?  Part of me believes we won't ever be able to say we've recovered from her absence, and that's okay.  I want to be affected in such a way that our response is to do it again, and again and again.  Fostering a puppy for this cause has impacted me, and our family greatly.

Two letters have come in the mail from Ester, with the latest one giving us the details on who is training her, as well as preparing us for her future "town walk" where we will get to see her in harness.  Can I be honest?  The thought of her in harness makes my heart swell with such pride.  But pride is the last thing I want to feel, instead I'm aiming to feel nothing but gratitude.  Not just for the chance to love her and know her, but for the opportunity to affect a life in a way that is uncommon and unmeasurable.  In a small way we are acting as ambassadors of Christ, in sacrificing our time, energy and hearts to love on a person we don't even know.  What a mystery of love to do something so difficult, and yet desire to do it again and again.  The capacity for love that Christ has given us is propelling us forward.

While we wait to hear how she does in her training, we have moved forward in our quest to have our own puppy to keep.  When we began the entire process of fostering, we (actually only one of us) weren't sure a dog would be the right fit for us.  Ester went and sold us.

In the meantime, we're teaching the cats to play fetch and walking them around the block.  It's been an epic fail.  You can't teach on old cat new tricks.